Please, let me fuck your mom
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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