If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
not ubering you a puppy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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