it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
