i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
