Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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