Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
