Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
soo... how was my night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
