i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
