Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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