WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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