I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
