overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
