By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
