Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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