when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Fuck appropriateness.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
