I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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