I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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