Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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