Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
