So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just invented taco cereal.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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