So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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