Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
