Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
