Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
