M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
