you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
