all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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