I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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