Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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