I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
