Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
