HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
