he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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