3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
