Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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