plz talk dirty to me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
