I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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