What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
