From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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