Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
