im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
