how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
