The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
