I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
