My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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