I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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