Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
