He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
please come you make the beer taste better
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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