I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
