Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
