Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
